jokes and random funny stuff

[stucco]

A man and his always, nagging wife took a vacation to the Holy Land.


While there, unfortunately, the wife passed away. Her poor husband was faced with the decision of transporting her remains back to the United States for $5000 versus burying her in the Holy Land for $150.00.


He chose to send her back for $5000. The undertaker asked him why he made that choice when it would have been so wonderful to have her buried in The Holy Land for only $150.00.

The man replied: "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance

[head rush]

If the wife is banging the front door with parcels to let her in and your dog is barking at the back door to let it in, Who do you let in first?

The dog !


Once it's in it shuts up !

[head rush]

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”

Murphy slowly shook his head. “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.”

[stucco]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80461194/
the wunder boner

[stucco]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/65177/

[badflash]

Looks like it might work. I wonder what happened to it?

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80461194/
the wunder boner

[davidstcldfl]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later the husband returns home with 6 gallons of milk. Confused, his wife asked him, "Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

...a good husband always does what his wife asks....

[Basil1]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked..

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh.?! Kill any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked..
"How can you tell them apart?"


He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

[urbanfarmer]

I wunder what happened to the wunder boner...?

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked..

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh.?! Kill any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked..
"How can you tell them apart?"


He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

WOW!

[davidstcldfl]

You can't handle the truth !




Father knows best...